Words are like arrows, once said can not be retrieved! The minute we say hurtful words, the regret sets in. Communication scientists from Case Western Reserve University and Kent State University have studied how and why people choose certain ways to repair the damage done once hurtful words are spoken.
According to Jane R. Meyer from Kent State and Kyra Rothenberg from Case, most people offered an apology, spurred by guilt to mend any offense their remarks might cause in an intimate relationship. Following the offer of an apology, the next popular ways people choose to smooth over the offensive message were to excuse or justify why the words were said. When embarrassed, people tended to avoid the message's receiver instead of making excuses or apologies.
Researchers Meyer and Rothenberg discuss eight strategies people employ to smooth over the discomfort of the situation: an apology or concession, an excuse, a justification, a denial, silence, words to offset the harm, non-verbal reactions (like covering one's mouth after the words are said) and a change of subject.
The researchers also looked at whether the context of the situation--seriousness of the offense, the relationship of the speaker and hearer and the speaker's emotional state--influences which strategy is used.
They found that serious offenses generate apologies, with additional concessions, along with silence, occurring as the severity of the damage increases. An excuse was inadequate for a seriously regretted message, said the researchers.
What actions a person takes also depends upon the relationship--how intimate it is, how much the two people like each other and how much authority the receiver has over the other person. In an intimate relationship, people tend to use justification but not always concessions to mend the mistake.
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